Inspired Read online

She’d sent me a picture of her lying in bed, facing the camera, with her sultry eyes staring at me like she’d devour me alive if I were there instead of here. Her lace-clad ass was peeking up behind her brown tresses, begging for my teeth to bite those sweet cheeks.

  Talking to Mia might be the only thing that kept me sane while handling my mom and my dad’s death.

  I didn’t think about what that meant as I hopped onto my connecting flight and sent her a text before turning Airplane mode back on. She didn’t have to do as I told her to, but I hoped she did. Thoughts of Mia kept me smiling the whole way to Utah.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Mia

  Four days had passed since Logan left for Utah, and I had done what he’d asked every day after receiving his text.

  Logan: Morning orgasms are a great way to start your day. Think of me. ??

  I knew that his text wasn’t really part of the Inspired program, and it wasn’t a demand either. But still, something inside me had awakened that night with Logan telling me all the ways I’d driven him mad with need. I had seen it, felt it, and craved more.

  Never had I done anything like that in my life, and I was exhilarated from the experience.

  Every morning, I got up and went to the bathroom to relieve my bladder, clean up a bit, and settled back into bed for some one-on-one time with myself. Logan pumping his cock was on the top of my fantasy reel, but this morning, I took it a step further.

  His hands moved from himself to my thighs, pulling me to the edge of the table. Then, in one swift thrust, he was inside me. Punishing me over and over for making him so hard when he couldn’t touch me.

  The thought alone had me moaning into the empty bedroom.

  Once sated, I took a shower and dressed for the day. Of course, that was the easy part.

  Jay had to call in sick, thanks to a stomach bug, and I had to make sure everything got done. Felicia, a redheaded intern under Jay, asked if I wanted her help to catch up on the e-mails Jay would have gone over. I said no but then remembered I was supposed to say yes. She was just hitting the button to go down the elevator when I called out to her, changing my answer. Truth was, I did need help. I could have done it on my own, but this was one of my problems. Letting people help me.

  What would have taken me four hours was done in an hour and a half.

  I thanked Felicia over and over while she simply smiled and said it was her job. It wasn’t, but maybe Jay needed a full-time assistant to help him, which would help me.

  Logan called to check in this morning, making sure I was okay mentally and that I was taking care of myself, as he’d done twice a day since he left. If there was any moment over the past few days I had been off, he’d help me through it and then tell me to write an e-mail to myself. Kind of like a diary, telling myself in the e-mail what was bothering me.

  Everything I thought would keep me busy until midnight had been taken care of, and I got done with work earlier than expected. Feeling like I wanted to do something fun, I texted Gia to see if she and Mom wanted to have a girls’ night tonight. Tomorrow was the gala; Saturday was booked with three weddings that I needed to be here for; and then Sunday, if I wasn’t completely exhausted, I’d head over for family dinner.

  Busy, busy, busy.

  Gia: We’re in. What do you have in mind? P.S. I’m up for anything. In desperate need of a mommy drink.

  Mia: I was thinking one of those paint and wine places. Could be fun.

  Jay had mentioned taking a date to one of those things before, and art was something that I used to enjoy but stopped doing years ago. I’d probably be complete shit and out of practice, but I wanted to do something fun, and that sounded like a good time.

  Gia: Yes! I’ll grab the Moscato. You pick us up in a limo!

  Laughter bubbled out beyond my lips. A limo. Jesus, she was crazy.

  But was I gonna do it?

  We’d look like lunatics, driving up to a paint and wine establishment in a limo, but what the hell? What good was having all this money if I didn’t splurge here and there?

  Mia: See you soon.

  I called my driver and asked if he could grab one of the limos from the garage we kept here. It came in handy to have a variety of vehicles for corporate parties, weddings, and anyone who wanted to use the extra services. Since they were our cars, the prices were more affordable, too.

  After making the call, I set my phone on my counter and then hurried to my bedroom to change into a pair of jeans and a blue top. I did a once-over in the mirror, feeling happy that my jeans still fit and my hair looked nice in the messy bun.

  “Hey, girl. You looking fine. You come here often?” I shimmied and swayed a little. My ass did look great in these jeans. I winked at myself, feeling sexy. “Oh, yeah, I like the way you shake it.” I kept flirting with myself and then realized I was wasting time, trying to come on to myself, when I needed to get to the limo and pick up my girls.

  “I’ll see you later.” I air-smooched myself, then grabbed my stuff, and ran out the door, giggling.

  I was becoming an idiot, but at least I was beginning to see happiness. Not the weight of the world and feeling so lost. I didn’t have a purpose as of yet besides just living the life I had, and maybe that was my only purpose. But, for now, I wasn’t trying to figure out the future, as I tended to focus much energy on. I’d been practicing, telling myself over and over that I only had now. Control what I could and let go of what I couldn’t. It was a constant battle, but I was trying.

  The ride to my sister’s was uneventful. I shot Logan a text, telling him I was hanging out with my family, and he sent me back a smiley face with heart eyes. Most likely to show he was happy I was doing something for me and to make me laugh. Which it did.

  I missed seeing his smile and happy attitude. I also missed the way he watched me and was so in tune with my emotions, reading everything on my face.

  We’d barely gotten to test our heated attraction to each other before he was whisked away to be there for his family. The craving for his touch and his voice rumbling against my skin was palpable. But, mostly, I just missed him. He’d become a close friend, and I didn’t believe for one minute that it was all for the program. No, Logan enjoyed being around me, too, as I liked being near him. We enjoyed each other. Not just because of the attraction, but also something on a deeper level.

  My sister was practically running out the door as soon as the limo stopped in front of her house. I opened the door for her, and she jumped in like she was some thief and we were the getaway vehicle.

  “Good God, you’re crushing me.”

  Her body had slammed into mine, knocking me back against the leather.

  “I didn’t want my husband to change his mind about watching the spawns tonight. They were already planning a dress-up party, so no doubt he’s going to have his fingernails and toenails painted by the time I get home.” Her breaths were heavy, like she’d run a marathon instead of the twenty feet to the car.

  The driver began our course for Mom’s house, who did not run out like Gia had but strutted like she was a movie star. My family was crazy.

  “This was a fabulous idea!” my mom exclaimed as she briefly hugged us and then settled into the limo, making herself and us a glass of champagne.

  “Alla notte delle ragazze!” She raised her glass and toasted our night.

  “To girls’ night!” We joined her but in English.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Mia

  “I think my sunflower looks like a jellyfish instead. Maybe I should just paint the background blue instead of that sunset we did.” My sister stared at her painting, paintbrush end in her mouth. Truly thinking hard about her choices.

  Mom was just doing her own thing next to Gia. What had started out as a sunflower turned into a painting worthy of Easter Sunday with a cross, purple ribbons, and the sun shining down on both cross and flower. Neither one of them had followed what the instructor told us to do.

  I looked over my own
painting. I did as instructed, and really, it wasn’t that bad.

  The best part of painting though had been how my mind went completely blank, focusing only on each stroke of the many brushes. It was nice, joking and having fun with my family. I’d missed this, and I’d missed painting. The more I added color and depth to my canvas, the more I thought about when I could do this at home. I’d have to buy new art supplies since Wallace had gotten rid of my old stuff, but that wouldn’t be an issue.

  “So, Mia, where is Logan? I figured, even though it was a girls’ night, that he’d drop in to check on you,” Gia asked casually, like she hadn’t been chomping at the bit to bring up Logan.

  Mom’s head seemed to turn our way, listening more intently while continuing the day Jesus rose on her canvas.

  “He had to fly to Utah. His dad passed away.”

  “Oh no, I’m sorry. That’s got to be awful. Poor Logan.” She stopped painting to look at me with sadness lingering in that gaze.

  “He’s okay. Really calm about it, at least the few times we’ve talked on the phone.”

  Logan hadn’t been very forthcoming about what all he was going through, but he was life coach Logan. I was sure, if he had any issues, he’d sort them out.

  “So, you two just talk via phone until he’s back?” Gia inquired, not ready to give up the Logan topic yet.

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake, Gia, just ask your sister if she’s slept with Logan or not. I could die before hearing how things are progressing if you keep beating around the bush like this.”

  This was not happening.

  “Don’t give us that look. You’re an adult, Mia. You were married for years. We can talk about sex.” Gia rolled her eyes.

  I wanted to cover my reddening face with paint; maybe I’d blend in with the painting.

  Mom nodded her agreement with my sister.

  “We haven’t had sex or touched besides kissing.”

  Maybe they’d leave me alone after I admitted part of the truth.

  Mom’s eyes widened, and she finally stopped painting to face me with an elated expression.

  “I knew he would kiss you. How could he not? It was Nonna’s blessing she bestowed on him. Lifted the veils from his eyes, and he has decided to love you. I knew it. Told you, Gia.” Mom looked so proud of herself for whatever voodoo she thought happened here.

  “Um, there’s no love. We like each other, and there might be some bedroom action soon, but I’m not ready for anything more than that. I don’t think he is either,” I spoke my peace, but neither Mom nor Gia took my words seriously.

  They looked at each other like I was nuts, and went back to painting and then sipping their wine. The conversation was over. They’d gotten what they wanted from me, but my mind was still rolling over everything.

  After five minutes, Gia announced that she and Laurent were going on a cruise with the kids in a month, right before school started up again. The laughs and fun flowed once again, no more talks of Logan and my, well, whatever we’d had.

  Gia was completely toasted after drinking half the bottle of wine on her own, so the ride back to drop her and Mom off was fun. It was like being part of a bachelorette party. Both women were talking about sex with their men.

  Yeah. Ew.

  How babies ruined your body, like Gia needing to pee all the time, or how her boobs looked like deflated balloons. Mom agreed and narrowed her eyes at me, cursing me in Italian for tearing her when I’d made my entrance into the word. Like I did the act on purpose.

  “Sorry my ass was fat, even then,” I yelled back at her through the open moon roof that Gia and I were hanging half out of.

  We pulled up to Mom’s house first. She hugged us both and made me promise to keep this going between them. Agreeing was really no trouble at all because I’d had fun, even with the strange conversations we’d had. I could probably go without hearing all about Mom and Dad doing naughty things again.

  Gia’s parting was not as sweet as Mom’s though. She hugged me and started crying on my shoulder.

  “Hey, hey, what’s this?”

  “I’m happy for you. I really missed this so much. I missed my sister. That man ruined you, and then you were just gone after it ended. You’re back.”

  Her blubbering words brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t feel one hundred percent myself yet. I didn’t think I ever would because I wasn’t going back to who I had been before. I never could. I’d been through too much and changed. I was becoming a new me, and I had the chance to be whoever I wanted.

  “Thanks, Gia. I missed you, too. So much. I’m not going anywhere again,” I promised, hoping that I could keep it.

  “Make sure to send Logan a sexy photo good night. Get the ball rolling on that ordeal.” She let go of me to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Gia was an emotional drunk it seemed.

  “I’ll do that.”

  Wasn’t a bad idea actually.

  I helped my sister inside where a makeup-covered Laurent met us at the door and helped her inside. He was a great dad and husband. Caring and supportive. He was there for her in the worst of her postpartum depression, holding her hand and being there in any way she needed him to be. He helped take care of the kids and loved his family with his very soul.

  The whole ride back to the hotel, I thought about what life would be like if I had a man like Laurent. Someone who cared about me more than their need to be constantly selfish or right. Someone to hold my hand on my sad days and make me laugh when I needed it most.

  Images of Logan’s smile came to mind, and despite knowing the thoughts were not likely to happen, I let them drift in that fantasy.

  After getting home late, I showered, dressed in my jammies, and settled into bed, hoping that a night of deep sleep was waiting for me. Couldn’t show up at the gala with bags under my eyes.

  Just as I closed my eyes and wiggled into my sheets, my phone beeped, alerting of a new text.

  Logan: Good night, Mia.

  I smiled. He’d taken the time to wish me good night. Something that he hadn’t done until now. Maybe he was missing me as much as I was missing him. He comforted me, made me feel like anything was possible. That I could be a better me.

  I’d like to think that even in my vulnerable states I’ve been in with him that I’d had some sort of impression on him beyond physical. That he found comfort being near me too somehow.

  Mia: Good night, Logan.

  I went to bed, thinking about the next time we saw each other and how I was going to show him how much I missed him.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Logan

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” Mom said sadly, tears still clinging to her eyelashes as she looked around the room.

  All the family was here, gathered to say their good-byes to my dad and give their condolences to us. The family that I remembered, like my uncle and cousins, hugged me and wished I would visit more.

  I gave them a silent nod, not really saying I would or not.

  Being here, around everyone from my past, was hard. Mom was so silent and distant. She barely talked to me, as if, now that Dad was gone, she didn’t care about anyone or anything. I’d stay until I felt okay as a psychologist that she was fine to go on about her life and not do something stupid like chase Dad into the afterlife.

  I might have tried to leave their toxic behavior in the dust, but things had changed, and I wasn’t a heartless bastard that I would let my mom waste away when I could do something about it.

  “You can do anything you want.”

  It was true. She really could. Dad had left her money from his insurance policy. Not a lot, but enough that she could pay off their debts and live for a while. Adjust to her life without him.

  He hadn’t left anything to me, not that I’d expected that. He was now in the ground, and that was that. I was only still here instead of hightailing it back to Florida to help the woman who’d birthed me. The other family members had done nothing as both of my parents neglected an
d fought me. They could screw themselves. I didn’t need to fix their lives right now.

  “I hate that you’re always trying to improve me.”

  You and me both, Mom. But I just couldn’t stop trying. I could put it on hold for a while, but deep down, I wanted to make mom and dad better. Always had.

  “I’m all you’ve got now. I’ll stay to make sure you don’t do something stupid, and then I’ll go away. You can forget about me if you want. But I’ll still be there if you need me.”

  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  She was thinking the same thing, too.

  I would have to let this all go and forgive them and myself for these actions, that I was regretting already.

  “The point is, Mom, I don’t owe you anything. Or Dad. Regardless, I’m here now. Let me help you get situated.”

  She brushed the tears off her cheeks and looked away from me. Unwilling and stubborn.

  Fine. For now, she could grieve.

  Needing space and a moment to clear my head, I walked outside. The night had fallen, pushing away the sun, and the moon was bright. One of my favorite times to be outside.

  I missed home. I missed the humidity soaking into my skin and the smell of the ocean breeze as it cooled me off.

  Don’t get me wrong; I loved vacations and adventures. But this was neither. I wanted my bed instead of the hotel bed I was currently staying in, refusing to sleep in my parents’ house.

  I wanted to be around my people. Tate, Callum, Tink, and if I was being completely honest, Mia.

  Her smile, her laugh, the way she wanted so hard to be free and was on her way to doing so. She was fun to be around, and I liked that. There was a level of comfort between us. I hadn’t thought we’d actually become friends of sorts when I said we’d be besties for the six weeks, but now, I was feeling different. She didn’t know anything about me, not like the rest of my friends did. But that was okay. If she asked, I would tell her things. I was always honest and didn’t hide myself.

  The air here was dry, and while the scenery was pretty, I wanted home.