Guiding Lights Read online

  Everyone was running around trying to get things together when I entered the kitchen. “Aye! Nera! Good, ye can help me with the potatoes.” She gave me a brisk hug then handed me the peeler. I noticed her point to the two large buckets of potatoes. I pulled my sleeves up to my elbows and started peeling.

  I vaguely heard people talking about the games while I worked on my potatoes. Wolfe had called a couple of friends and a few guys from the town were pulling it all together. It would be out in a little cleared piece of land not far from the B&B, the shore to their backs.

  Aggie and Evan were helping sponsor it. Another restaurant in town was teaming up with them and another B&B to get a bunch of food and drinks out there. Evan had a couple of kegs delivered yesterday for this. Apparently, he and Wolfe had started planning this yesterday.

  An hour later, I was finally finished and helping Aggie turn them into French-fries. Thankfully, she had a fry cutter for this, instead of doing it all by hand. Wolfe came in a couple times to check how everything was going then would run back outside to help set up tables.

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that boy smile,” Aggie commented. I looked at her in confusion. She took in my look and kept peeling.

  “Ah was friends with his mother, dear. Sometimes, when he wants tae escape his life, he comes here. It’s quiet and no one bothers him. His maw, Patty, sometimes joins him but she just got remarried so she is probably busy.” She winked at me while I considered everything she’d just said. Wolfe was a friend of their family. I wasn’t sure how much she would tell me, but I decided to probe Aggie for a little more information.

  “So you’ve known him a long time then?”

  She smiled.

  “Aye, Ah remember him when he was such a wee lad. Emma doesn’t remember him at all. We moved here from outside of Dublin when she was a babe. But his maw and Ah still talk when we find the chance.” She was all grins talking about him and his mother.

  “Um, do you know who Alexis is?” I stared down at the bowl of fries while I waited to see what she would say. I was pretty sure I was holding my breath.

  “Poor dear. Ah don’t know all the details, but Ah remember they were together a long time. It’s a shame things happened the way they did.” Her smile faltered. I wanted to press on and find out what happened, but it was apparently making Aggie sad and that I didn’t want to do.

  “So any spices you want to throw on these babies?” I said, trying to change the subject. She seemed to ponder of my question for a few minutes.

  “Ah think some salt and rosemary should do the trick!” she exclaimed and tore up some fresh rosemary she’d picked from her little garden. We finished making the fries in silence, but the whole time I was trying to figure out who the hell Alexis was. Obviously, she’d been someone so important to him that even Aggie knew her, but something had happened between them. Then I remembered the first song he sang; had it been about her?

  The sounds of bag pipes interrupted my thoughts. I peeked out the window to see three men dressed up in formal kilt wear playing their pipes and walking down the street. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. I grabbed the big pan of fries and walked toward the tables Aggie had pointed out.

  People had started to crowd around the little area where everything was set up. Even the tourists were hanging out to see what was happening. We were all in for a treat. A group of shirtless men were huddled around a small fire pit, maybe trying to get warm? Why the hell were they not wearing shirts?

  They pushed and shoved each other in manly fun, and turned around to look at the crowd. Holy hell, those men were gorgeous. All in different ways but they had captured the attention of the females. I even found my blood starting to race at the sight of them.

  “There ye are,” I heard him talking, but I was afraid to turn around and see him. Too bad, he didn’t wait for me to turn around and walked around to stand in front of me.

  Holy Hell.

  I tried to keep my mouth shut, but it fell anyway. Wolfe was wearing nothing but a kilt and boots. If I thought the other men turned my blood hot, then Wolfe turned it into lava. Sizzling, flowing lava.

  “Ah brought ye this; now ye can cheer me on.” I didn’t realize he was trying to give me anything until he started wrapping something around my neck. I shook myself from his hot body spell and looked down at what he was doing.

  “You got me a scarf?” It was a grey, black, and red tartan pattern.

  “Aye, now yer wearing my colors.” He gestured down to his kilt. It had the same pattern as the scarf. My eyes followed the dark brown trail of his hair from the v between his hips up his ripped abs where it disappeared at his navel and reappeared on his strong chest. It wasn’t thick, just enough that it made him all man. His arms looked so strong. Once again, I thought of Wolfe fighting bears with his hands and cutting down logs just to build you a house. He was that type of man and my body ached for him.

  “Uhm thanks,” I mumbled, unwilling to say anything else. He gave me a wink, turned around, and headed toward the other men. I couldn’t help the gasp when I saw his back.

  It was a massive tattoo of a wolf, his head pointing down. What looked like a child, with flaming red hair flowing over her shoulder, rested her head against the wolf’s head. They looked at peace with each other. I wished I could really get close and examine it. It was striking with the black, white, and grey of the wolf contrasted against the fiery red of the little girl’s hair. Curiosity burned inside me; I wondered what it meant. Why would someone get a tattoo like that? Wolfe was turning into a massive puzzle, and I wanted to put it together.

  “Holy bend me over and fuck me in the ass. Nera, look at those men!” Hannah’s voice surprised me. I knew it was Hannah because that was something only she would say. I turned toward her with a smile.

  “They are pretty hot,” I agreed.

  “Wolfe seems to have it in for you, you lucky twatbag.” She winked at me and went back to staring at the guys. They were talking to Wolfe now, not paying attention to us ogling them. I churned her words over in my head. I knew there was an attraction to each other. It was clear as day to see that, but Wolfe wanting to do something about it? I wasn’t so sure. I sighed, thinking about what would happen even if he did. Yeah, I was a coward.

  “Nothing’s going to happen there,” I mumbled. Hannah’s hand shot out and grabbed me, making me face her head on.

  “Why the hell not? Hello, you have a hot Scottish man knocking at your knickers, and you say it’s not going to happen?” She stared at me with a shocked look on her face. She’d never understand.

  “Look, I just can’t.” I tried to turn, but she wouldn’t let me, and I didn’t want to draw attention to us. She just kept staring at me, waiting for me to truly answer her. I took a deep breath and told her the main reason that it wasn’t going to happen now.

  “Last night, he fell asleep in my bed before I got home. I don’t even know why, but when I tried to get to wake him, he groaned another woman’s name. I don’t know anything about him; he could have a wife or someone else. I just, I don’t do emotions. I’ve gone through enough shit in my life that I don’t need to add heartbreak to the mix.”

  Hannah’s face changed from fierce to sad. The arms holding me at a distance now wrapped around me, hugging me. What was stranger was that I found myself hugging her back. Yet another person I barely knew.

  “Love hurts, Nera, but not giving true love a shot when it’s right in front of you? That hurts more. A life without love is no life.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked off. My eyes followed her as she walked toward the tape marking the game field. It was probably to get a better view of the men.

  When I looked at the man who had been filling my thoughts, I found him looking at me. His probing honey eyes searched face, looking at my response to the conversation with Hannah, wondering what could have caused it. I gave him a reassuring smile. He was still watching when I decided to get a drink and get ready for the games.
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br />   The three men with their bagpipes played a song, signaling that the games were ready to start. I took a sip of my beer and held my cup with part of the scarf Wolfe gave me.

  I watched as the different men tossed their rocks in the stone put; I realized I was eager to see how Wolfe would do. Not once did I allow myself to think about what Hannah had said about love. I wasn’t ready to think that far yet.

  A redhead complete with a full red beard had just finished when Wolfe finally stepped up and grabbed a stone.

  Chapter Thirteen

  His muscles flexed and strained as he threw the stone with all his might. He was so strong, even stronger than I had realized. The stone didn’t fall as far as away as one of the rocks; it was second. I was impressed at how good he was at this. He laughed and walked back toward the group of men, but not before his eyes found mine in the crowd and giving me a wink.

  A small smile formed as I watched him have a blast out there. It was obvious he knew some of the men he was competing against. During their events, each time someone had their turn, they would tussle and rag on each other. They even taunted Wolfe at his turn.

  Event after event, I watched him as he tried his best to throw the caber, or stones, or hay over the pole. Each time, as soon as he was done, he would look at me. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, only that it seemed like he did it for reassurance. He wanted to know I was there, watching him.

  He didn’t win; he was fourth out of ten, which I thought was amazing. Wanting to be supportive, I walked up to him when everyone gathered around the competitors to congratulate them. I wanted to do so as well. As soon as a path cleared and I got close to him, he snatched me up in a tight embrace against his sweaty, bare, torso. I found myself giggling at his excitement.

  He set me down on my feet, but he didn’t let go of me. I looked up at him, and what I saw made swallow a big gulp of air. He gazed at me as if I was his world; I knew he wanted to kiss me. His hand on my back pressed me closer to him, and his head started to lower, our eyes never breaking as he moved. He knew I was going to let him kiss me. His eyes had trapped me. I was a willing victim that accepted everything that was coming.

  “There’s the Wolfe man!” someone yelled and Wolfe was no longer holding me. I was on the ground as one of the other competitors horsed around with him. I was frozen watching them. No longer ensnared in Wolfe’s quicksand eyes, with his hot body holding me, I started to feel the panic settling in.

  The desire to run, the need to hide from these feelings bombarded me. Staring so intently at the ground, I didn’t even notice that Wolfe and his friend had gotten up and were trying to talk to me.

  “Nera?” My head popped up at finally hearing my name called. Wolfe was looking at me with concern.

  “Sorry, I just got um—never mind.” The panic was taking over.

  “Hi, I’m Tyler, Wolfe’s friend from the States.” Tyler was a few inches taller than Wolfe was, and Wolfe had to be at least six two. Not as ruggedly built as Wolfe, Tyler was in great shape. His green eyes peeked out from his shaggy black hair and looked at me with obvious interest. Too bad, the panic had taken over, and I wasn’t amused.

  “Nice to meet you, I’m Nera. I’m sorry, but I have to go.” I gave them a parting smile and left. I felt as if the air was thinning, evaporating as the darkness surrounded me. As soon as I was out of sight of the crowd, I took off running.

  I ran until I couldn’t breathe anymore and had to stop. I’d been on this road before so I knew I was maybe two miles away from the B&B. For now, it was far enough. Giving my legs a break, I sat down on the ground and tried to stop my mind from traveling into places I no longer wanted to visit. Thoughts of my life in Morocco.

  My mother’s voice whispered in my head. I tried valiantly not to hear her voice as she whispered horrible things to me. She’d always hated me. My hands gripped my hair and I let out an anguished scream. I would not let them get to me now.

  Why the fuck had I almost let Wolfe kiss me? Gah! Fucking Hannah and her words about a life without love. Love was for fools. I felt like a schizophrenic repeatedly flopping back and forth with wanting Wolfe and then wanting nothing to do with him. Why couldn’t I just not give a fuck?

  I sat there watching the clouds until the sun started to set. I knew I should get back before anyone noticed and started to worry. Mainly Aggie, I didn’t need her to worry over me. Getting up, I set off jogging toward my temporary home.

  Being very ninja like, I snuck into the B&B unnoticed and went up to my room to take a shower. My muscles were tight and protested as I took off my clothing and stepped into the hot water. The run back had help clear my head. I felt like a coward, but I’d decided I shouldn’t have run away from Wolfe. I wasn’t sure what would happen between us, but I couldn’t run anymore. Not like that.

  After I felt warm and clean, I shut off the water and stepped out to dry. I looked up at the foggy mirror and wiped it clear so I could see myself. I wouldn’t be defeated. I would never be that girl that would roll over again. I would face everything head on. Including Wolfe, whenever I saw him again. I gave myself a nod and wrapped myself in my towel, walking into the bedroom to get dressed.

  Surprised, I stopped short. Wolfe was sitting on my bed, covered in dried sweat and dirt. He was still wearing nothing but his boots and Kilt. I thought I’d locked the door when I’d come in; how the hell did he get in? Why was he here?

  “No more games, Nera.” He wasn’t looking at me; his elbows rested on his knees, his head hanging down.

  “Wolfe.” I tried to speak, but he cut me off when he stood up and started pacing in the small room.

  “No! I’ve been looking everywhere for ye. Ye fucking left, just ran off. What the fuck were ye thinking, Nera?” he fumed.

  “I panicked.” There, I finally admitted it.

  “Panicked. Yeah, Ah fucking panicked meself. Seeing yer face right before ye ran off scared the shit out of me. Like Ah wouldn’t see ye again.” He turned and looked straight at me. His fear was written all over his face. I could see it. It was too late for us to fight this.

  “Wolfe, who is Alexis?” I needed to know, before anything else was said between us. His face instantly hardened.

  “Where did ye hear that name?” His voice was low and harsh, but I stood my ground.

  “You groaned it last night when I tried to wake you up.” His face remained fierce.

  “I’m not talking about her right now,” he spat.

  “Is she your wife? I’m sorry, but I need to know.”

  “No, she’s dead.” His words were laced with hate. I was about to say something when he cut me off.

  “Ah don’t wanna talk about her. Right now, Ah wanna talk about this. Right here.” He gestured between us. He wasn’t with Alexis, and although I felt peace that he was unattached, I still ached for his pain. The moment our eyes met, we saw the broken soul in each other. Alexis had something to do with his. I wished I could help put him back together again. Maybe a broken soul could only be with another broken soul. Could that be what might make this work?

  “What do you want, Wolfe?” I took a step closer knowing I was moving closer to an angered man. Taunting fate.

  “Ah won’t come tae ye anymore. If ye want me, ye will have tae choose me. No more running.” He stared at me, and what he said sank in. I would have to go to him; he wasn’t going to reach out to me anymore. Minutes passed as we looked at each other. I needed to make a choice.

  “Ah see,” he muttered and turned to leave. His hand was on the knob and my decision was made.

  “Wolfe,” I called. My feet were running, and as he turned to look at me, I pushed him against the door and crashed my lips against his. My arms wrapped around his neck, begging him to accept me.

  He did. His hands gripped my sides and turned me swiftly, my back pressed against the door, his strong body keeping me confined. His mouth parted and his tongue invaded mine. With every breath exchanged, we gave in to the sensation. His beard scratch
ing against my chin, his lips melded with mine, wanting never to separate. We’d been fighting against this clash since the moment we’d laid eyes on each other. It had been inevitable, and we devoured one another.

  My fingers snaked up, and I finally did what I had wanted to since I first saw him. I untied his hair and let it all fall. Gripping it, I pulled him closer to me. I felt every part of him, every inch of his glorious body against my nearly naked one. His kiss was beyond what I could have ever imagined.

  It was the kiss that poets wrote about. The soul searing, change your life forever kiss. His hands started to roam over my body, and as much as I wanted to continue, I knew I wasn’t ready. There was still so much that needed to be said. I didn’t know when it would all come out, but until then, I couldn’t.

  “Wolfe, I need to slow down,” I muttered against his lips, slowing our kiss. I felt his fingers digging into me. He was holding himself back, listening to me, and relief flooded me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Thank you,” I whispered, pulling back to look at him. He was magnificent. His long hair came fell just below his shoulders and his eyes stared at me with the same expression they’d held earlier. Like I was his world. He still hadn’t said anything, and I let go of him and gripped my towel closer.

  “Um, would you turn around please?” I asked shyly. His expression finally changed to amusement, as if he’d just realized I was wearing only a towel.

  “Maybe,” he teased, still not turning around.

  “Wolfe,” I whined. He laughed and rubbed a hand through his hair.

  “I’m still deciding,” he confessed while his eyes roamed over my wet skin and short towel. I gave him a look that told him he needed to turn around like now.

  “Yeah yeah, keep yer panties on. Wait, ye aren’t wearing any.”

  I smacked him playfully and tried to make him turn around. He grabbed my hand and pulled me against his bare chest. Leaning in for another kiss, I melted against him. His lips disarmed me.