Guiding Lights Read online

  “Oh, no problem at all, mind if I join you? I’ve been thinking about going to one soon.” His eyes brightened, talking about the games.

  “Nah problem at all,” Wolfe interjected while taking a seat on the couch. I walked over and sat myself on the opposite side of Wolfe. We definitely did not need to be any closer. It was a recipe for wanting to kiss him or touch his hair.

  “Eyes up here, Nera.” Wolfe caught me staring at him. Jerk. My head turned back to the TV just as Nelson turned it on and looked for the channel.

  The three of us watched the games for the rest of the afternoon. Even Aggie came out and watched some with us. The Scottish culture was so amazing and full of life. The TV would pan over to the dancers and the bagpipe bands. They even had herding dog games going on as well. It only made me want to go to one and be immersed in it. Something about their attitude, not holding back and being who they are, while still holding onto their past was inspiring. Every once in a while, Wolfe would help explain to Nelson and me what the men in kilts were doing. I thought the Caber toss was really interesting. They would throw these big logs so that they flipped over. Wolfe said the goal was to make the short side that the man was holding flip over then get as close to what would be twelve on an imaginary clock. It was purely fascinating.

  Once dusk approached, I decided it was time to go for my run. Aggie was making a large shepherd’s pie for everyone and I really wanted to chow down on that.

  “Alright guys, I’m going for my run. Enjoy the rest of the games. See you at dinner,” I said as I got up and waved bye to them

  “Be safe.” Wolfe said sincerely. I gave him a look before I left.

  “Always.” I went up the stairs to my room, changed into something I could run in, and pounded some dirt roads.

  Chapter Eight

  Dinner was amazing! I swear Aggie could do no wrong in the kitchen. The only thing that would have made dinner better was Emma’s absence. I really hate that I get jealous when she is all flirty and grabby with Wolfe. I really, really hate it. I had to sit next to Evan on my left and the young couple on my right. While Emma sat next to Wolfe, who was across from me, and monopolized all of his attention. During my run, I’d thought about our day. We’d had our moments of fighting, but other than that, it was an amazing day. I haven’t had a day like today in a long time.

  “Wolfe, when are ye going tae sing for us again?” Emma beamed at him.

  Wolfe took a sip of his drink then answered.

  “Ah was thinking about singing this weekend,” he stated. My eyes went to his only to find him looking at me. With a lasting wink, he turned his attention back to the girl that was talking a mile a minute to him. As soon as I was finished with dinner, I excused myself and went up to my room. I was in need of a shower, and I wanted to get away from the table.

  I let the water run over me for a while. It was like I wanted it to wash away all of the emotions that had been running through me all day. Once I was done and dried off, I grabbed my pajamas and curled up on the bed with my book. I knew what happened in it, especially since I had read it so many times, but I still loved it. It wasn’t long before someone knocked on my door. I had a feeling it was Wolfe.

  “Come in,” I called out. The door opened and Wolfe walked in, shutting the door behind him.

  “Ah see, ye spend yer day with me, but then ye go back tae Mr. Bonnie,” he teased before sitting on the bed next to me. I silently wished he’d sat in the chair and not so close on the bed.

  “He’s just so good to me,” I find myself joking back. A low chuckle comes from him, bringing a smile to my lips.

  “Bonnie smile.” His laughter stopped, and my smile disappeared.

  “Did you need anything?” I asked as nicely as I could. I didn’t want to be rude, but I was a little unsure why he’d come.

  “That is a good question, isn’t it?” He lay back with his head beside me and looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t speak any more after that, and I was unsure what to say. So I just lay there reading while he looked at the ceiling.

  “Mah maw loves tae read. She used tae read tae me even when I was a teenager.” I looked over at him; he was giving me information freely. My stomach had little flutters that he was willingly giving me more details on him all on his own. He rolled over and looked at me. He was so beautiful. I think he would even give Mr. Beautiful a run for his money. His ruggedness added character and made him seem manly. Like in a way that said he would go cut down tree if you said so, or build you a house with nothing but his hands.

  But you knew his calloused hands would still feel like perfection on your skin, as he possessed your body in ways that no other man could. I found myself staring at him, wanting those same things I felt earlier. We both just stared at each other for long moments. I swear I could feel the same desire in him.

  “Would ye read tae me?” he asked softly. There was no joking or poking fun in his voice. “Yer voice is soothing,” he whispered and rolled onto his back again. He knew what type of book I was reading, and reading to him was simple enough. It gave us emotional distance and that I needed. Or at least that’s what I kept telling myself.

  I read to him until it got very late, and I must have fallen asleep.

  I felt the covers being drawn over me, and a rough, scratchy feeling on my nose before warm lips pressed against my forehead. The fogginess from sleep kept me from truly waking.

  “Sleep well, mah Nera.” I swear I heard his low hoarse voice whisper against me, but sleep overtook me. It was mostly likely a dream. In the world of dreams anything could happen. In my dream, Wolfe would have stayed the night in my bed and held me as I slept, while singing a song he wrote for us. We would kiss and be like normal people. Not broken ones.

  I woke up in the middle of the night screaming. It had been a long time since I’d had any nightmares. I sat up in my sweat soaked bed and tried to calm myself down. They couldn’t get me; I was safe. I repeated that over and over to myself until I felt my heart calm itself. It wasn’t real. Tears I thought were long gone surfaced and fell onto my cheeks.

  What was I do hanging out with Wolfe? He was pulling so many things out of me without me knowing. Those nightmares of my past should have never been released. I fell back on the bed and felt more confused than ever. I enjoyed being around him, so much more than I should. My legs came up and I was in the fetal position.

  I can’t do this. I didn’t know what to do. Was I heading toward nothing but pain and heart ache? Did I even have a chance at keeping my heart safe? I lay there until the morning crept through my window, thinking about the answers to those questions.

  Once I figured everyone was up and I should be too, I rolled out of bed and cleaned myself up for the day. Yesterday’s happiness was gone. Today, I felt more like the normal me. A girl just going about her days in a colorless shitty world as best as she could.

  Just as I opened the door, I was shocked to see Wolfe there with his hand up and ready to knock.

  “Jesus! You scared me,” I yelped.

  “Sorry, Ah wanted tae let ye know Ah was goin tae be out of town till the weekend. Ah have tae leave now, but wanted tae say bye.” His words rushed out of his mouth in one breath. He was leaving for the rest of the week. Even though I felt a hint a disappointment, I crushed the feeling and told him bye.

  “Oh, well have fun. I’ll see you this weekend.” I gave him my best fake smile and squeezed between him and the door and headed downstairs.

  “Right, Ah see. Bye, Nera.” Hi voice was stern and didn’t hold the warmth it had just seconds before. He understood my front. I instantly hated myself for acting this way, but it had to be done. He turned around without a second glance and quickly walked off toward his room. Using every ounce of willpower I possessed, I made myself go downstairs to breakfast.

  The rough sound of a door closing let me know that Wolfe had left, and suddenly, I didn’t feel so hungry anymore.

  As the days passed, I felt more and more like shit for
the way I’d treated Wolfe. I should have run after him and apologized, given him a hug, and waved bye. But instead, I acted like we were nothing to each other. I didn’t know exactly what we were, but I knew we weren’t nothing.

  Chapter Nine

  Tonight was open mic night again. I told myself I was a mess because I was going to get my period soon. But that was a lie. I was a mess because Wolfe would be back today. I hadn’t seen him all day, but I can even admit I was purposefully hiding so I wouldn’t see him. I was a coward.

  The pub was pretty busy tonight; I was filling orders and helping Emma and another waitress named Tammy run orders. I was so focused on not screwing up people’s orders I didn’t notice Wolfe was there until I heard his husky voice through the speakers. Without my permission, my eyes flew toward him. It was as if my eyes had missed him and needed to memorize every line of his face again.

  “This is song by the American band Audioslave. It’s called Show Me How To Live. Enjoy.”

  He still hadn’t looked at me, and I grew colder. I deserved it, but it still hurt. He started humming against the mic. I swear I felt the vibrations of his lips against the metal on my skin. He moved his pic against the strings on a newer, electric guitar. It was then I noticed he had another person behind him: a drummer. They started playing in sync, and when he finally opened his lips on the first word, his eyes flew open and found mine immediately. I was once again held hostage by his voice and honey eyes.

  If only someone had warned me of the effects of a man who could sing. I thought the first time I’d heard him sing did things to me. As soon as he belted out the chorus to this song, my body came alive. With every scream against the mic, I felt a shock straight down to my core. The way he sang made me instantly think of dirty sex. The kind I’d read in books. Being thrown against the wall, hands grasping desperately to remove clothing. Paintings falling down, lamps breaking. Finger nail scratches everywhere. A dirty, sweaty fuck. I’d never in my whole life felt as sexual as I did right then.

  I watched him while my pussy throbbed at that images that flowed through me. How the hell did his voice turn me on this much? Either my eyes, or something on my face, gave me away because his eyes turned dark and he put much more force into moving back and forth on the stage. Every strum of the strings felt like a thrust against me. His low murmuring of the lyrics right before the last bit of chorus was building us up for a big climax. Then, just like that, there was an explosion of his screams and my body. My hands gripped the bar while he mouth fucked that mic, and with the final scream, I felt released from the pull his voice had on me.

  I ran like the fucking wind to get away from him and that musical fuck he’d just given me.

  I barely managed to tell Emma I was heading outside before I exited the bar. I didn’t stop until I was behind the bar and hidden in the shadows. My back hit the wall, and I slid down to the ground. The answers to the questions I’d had last weekend came at me like a freight train. It was too late. No matter what happened from here on, I knew I was in for heartbreak. I couldn’t have the one thing I craved. Wolfe.

  Tears flowed at the thought. He could never be mine. I listened as the echoes of Wolfe’s voice inside came through the walls. I was in no condition to go back inside. So I just sat there crying for something that could never be until I heard him say goodnight. Even though my ass was getting cold, I sat outside a few more minutes. I couldn’t go in there and see him being flocked by fans and other women. Especially Emma. I just couldn’t handle it right now. Once my eyes had dried up and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t look like a mess, I went inside. I had a job that I needed, and I didn’t want to lose it.

  As I walked back to the bar, I saw that a new band had already started their set.

  “Hey, ye ok?” Emma’s concerned voice came from behind me. I turned to her and nodded.

  “Yep, just took my break,” I muttered and started working.

  I was glad when the night finished and I was walking back toward the B&B. I hadn’t seen Wolfe since his performance and I was grateful. I wouldn’t even know what to say to him.

  As I walked up the stairs to my room, I was interrupted.

  “Hello.” Damn his voice.

  I turned around and put on my best bitch face.

  “Hello.”

  “Still putting on yer mean face, Ah see. Alright. Night, Nera,” he said with a straight face and walked toward the living room. My feet were unwilling to move as I watched him walk away. I hated being this person.

  Feeling like an asshole, I turned and climbed the remaining stairs to wash away my day. I stayed in the shower until the spray turned cold. Then I threw on my pjs and crawled into my bed. Pulling the covers up to my chin, I lay there and couldn’t stop thinking about Wolfe. His face and his lips, imagining he was here with me in bed. Wrapping his strong arms around me while singing me to sleep. My own lullaby.

  My peaceful thoughts turned to horror and my screams scared me out of my slumber. The same nightmare I always have. I let out another shriek as I heard a splinter sound coming from my door.

  Wolfe stood there in flannel pajama bottoms and nothing else. His hair was down and fell to just below his shoulders. His bare chest and abs were lost on me. Tears fell, and I wanted to speak to him, to ask him why he’d just broken my door, but his arms were suddenly around me. Holding me against his warm, hard body. My arms wrapped around him so tightly. Keeping him here with me.

  Someone must have come to check out what the commotion was because I felt Wolfe’s head shake. He must have been telling them that everything was ok. Whether that was true or not, I continued to hold onto him like a lifeline. At that moment, he was my lifeline; he was saving me from drowning in my own darkness.

  Ever so slowly, he lowered us to the bed, still holding me close. I couldn’t tell him what my dream was about, and I think he knew that because he never asked. He just lay there with me in his arms until I felt my heart calm, and I slowly relaxed enough to fall back to sleep.

  I woke up with the smell of bacon assaulting my nose. I rolled over reluctantly, scared to see if Wolfe really had come to my rescue, and held me all night. A big wave of disappointment hit me when I saw I was the only one in bed. Of course, he didn’t stay. Why should he? I slowly sat up and looked at my door.

  The door was gone and a big sheet was in its place. Wolfe really had broken the door to get inside. I didn’t want to think about what that meant. It wasn’t a dream; he really had been here. He’d come to me in the dark and held me, making me forget the nightmares.

  I groaned and put my face in my hands. I couldn’t just ignore him now. I had to say something and at least thank him for what he’d done. He hadn’t owed me anything and yet he’d come. I rolled out of bed, put on a bra, and went out in search of the big bad Wolfe.

  Standing in front of his door, I suddenly lost a little of my bravado I’d had getting ready and walking the few feet to the door. What would I say to him? I was just standing there when his door flew open, and I was face to face with the man himself. I looked up at his face and saw surprise in his eyes. Deciding I didn’t want to just stand there in front of him like a fool, I started with what I came over here for.

  “Thank you for last night.” I took a deep breath and continued. “I’m sorry for the past week. It’s not something I can explain, but I can’t do emotions. Sooo...” I dragged out the word; I didn’t know what else I could say without going into everything. I watched as his eyebrows arched. It was almost as if he was asking if that was my entire apology.

  “I want to be your friend, Wolfe,” I stated sternly. I knew it would be better to just stay away from him. Apparently, I was a bit of a masochist and wanted to be near him in some way.

  “Yer friend, huh?” he mused and I nodded in reply.

  “Well, now that yer mean face is gone, Ah have a surprise for ye.” He grinned and turned back into the room. He walked over to a bag that was sitting on the bed and motioned for me to come in. His room wasn’
t that much different from mine. He had more clothes and a guitar. But that was about it. Very basic. It was obvious that he really didn’t have much money, maybe he was even a runaway or traveler like me. I was too afraid to ask him though; we had just become friends again. I didn’t need to ruin it by opening my nosey mouth.

  “Here.” He handed me a gift bag. I looked at him curiously.

  “Optimistic, weren’t we?” I teased. He had gotten me a gift even though I’d been an ass to him.

  “Ah knew you couldn’t stay away. It’s the bun and beard. Ah see ye eyeing them all the time. Ye just can’t resist my bun.” He winked and I took the bag from him with a little more force than I should have. I did actually like his bun and beard. I’d wanted to touch them both many times. But I wouldn’t be admitting that to him, especially not now.

  I pulled out the tissue paper, confused at what I saw inside. I pulled it out and immediately handed it back to Wolfe.

  “No, no. Wolfe, oh my god, that is too much! I can’t!” I started backing away from the gift like it was a venomous snake.

  “Ye can and ye will. It’s not too much. It’s all for me anyway. Ye need new material tae read tae me.” He handed the bag back to me. With shaky hands, I pulled out the shiny black Kindle. It was the most amazing gift I‘d ever received in my life. I was almost afraid to touch it. A picture popped up of Smoo cave. I smiled, thinking back to that day.

  “Push that button.”

  I did as he said and my breath got stuck in my throat. With my finger, I scrolled and scrolled, like he showed me, through the bookshelves of romance novels. He’d bought me an E-book library. I had so many books, and I could travel with them. The utter surprise of such an amazing and personal gift had me dropping the Kindle on his bed and wrapping my arms around him. He’d blindsided me. I’d been an ass to him and he’d done this.

  “I don’t know how you figured out how to pay for this, but thank you. Thank you so much. It’s the most amazing gift I’ve ever gotten. Thank you,” I squealed against his chest.